Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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