i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
