Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Vodka?
Forever.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
