Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
