I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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