i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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