That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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