Will you blow on my dice?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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