I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
