just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
