Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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