Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
