That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
