I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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