Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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