my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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