I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
