somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
