You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
