FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
