Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
