Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
