i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
