My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
