It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize