She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Also, beer. Big fan.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
