How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize