Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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