Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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