You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
