you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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