atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
