in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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