We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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