im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
