loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize