What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
