I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I pour the whiskey from now on
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
