I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I need to stop coming to work sober
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
