i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
