So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I could make wine with my vomit
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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