i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
