she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
