I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
