I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
