it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
