honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
