i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
