how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
