My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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