I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
