The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
We need to rekindle our bromance
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
