yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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