home. puking in laundry basket.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
