she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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