and my herpes radar will keep us safe
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
