I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
my phone needs a breathalizer
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
