I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize