How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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