A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
is that a dick in a sweater?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
