what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
