tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
