She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
