Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
