I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
