I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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