Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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