I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
